| Email for: mybusinesslistings.giant@blogger.com
* Self Improvement and Personal Growth Weekly Newsletter *
Issue # 617, Week of July 5-6, 2010
Publisher: David Riklan - http://www.SelfGrowth.com
In this issue:
-- Quotes of the Week
-- Recommended Resource of the Week
-- Article: Al and Tipper Gore's Marriage -- What Happened? - By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
-- Article: The 'Well Wishing' Principle - By Paul Dalton
-- Book Review: We Are Here: Love Never Dies - By Jane Smith Bernhardt
-- Brief News of the World
-- How to Subscribe and Unsubscribe from this Newsletter
Current Subscribers - 283,773 subscribers
Removal instructions are listed at the end of the newsletter.
------------------------------------------------------------
*** Quotes of the Week ***
------------------------------------------------------------ Never try to reason the prejudice out of a man. It was not reasoned into him, and cannot be reasoned out. - Sydney Smith, 1771-1845 Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb. - Sir Winston Churchill, 1874-1965 It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers. - James Thurber, 1894-1961
------------------------------------------------------------
*** Recommended Resource of the Week ***
------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------
*** Article: Al and Tipper Gore's Marriage -- What Happened? - By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz ***
------------------------------------------------------------ Let's face it, long time relationships sometimes end. And the simple truth is there isn't always a compelling reason or reasons why. The separation of Al and Tipper Gore after 40 years of marriage is a good illustration of the "why" question -- why did their love affair end after all these years? Here is what we know to be true -- 40-year marriages rarely ever end in divorce! The Gores are now officially separated. Whether they ultimately end up getting a divorce is anybody's guess, even theirs! But getting a divorce after 40 years defies the odds -- it rarely happens -- it is an anomaly. It almost never happens! So the question of the day is, "Why are Al and Tipper separating?" The second most important question is, "Did anybody see it coming?" After studying successfully married couples on six of the world's seven continents over the past three decades, we have learned a lot about why marriages succeed. While we do not know the Gores personally, we bet we could have predicted their separation by simply interviewing them on our time-tested interview protocol. You see, understanding what makes marriage successful is not really all that mysterious. It is actually pretty simple if you want to know the truth. And given the rarity of divorce after 40 years of marriage, we believe there is more to this story than meets the eye. The most important notion we have learned about over the past three decades, and now understand completely because of our years of research on successful marriage, is the notion we have come to call, "a pervasive characteristic." In the simplest of terms, a pervasive characteristic is "a recurring pattern of thought and behavior." It's kind of like this old saying, "If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and walks like a duck, it is probably a duck!" In a nutshell, it is a way of saying that a person can learn to hide who they are, but in the end, they are who they are. The recurring pattern of thought and behavior that they exhibit tells you who they really are! You can cover up who you are for awhile, you can fool some of the people some of the time, but in the end, the real truth about you will prevail. Relationships between two people exhibit pretty much the same blueprint. All relationships exhibit recurring patterns of thought and behavior. If you pay close attention, the patterns will emerge and you will learn a lot about the relationship between the two people you are observing.
So where does all this prelude lead? The truth is, the demise of the relationship between Al and Tipper Gore should not have come as a surprise to the thoughtful and detached observer. Their marriage, irrespective of its length, would have revealed to the world their real relationship through the pervasive characteristics their marriage exhibited over the years. Pervasive characteristics are powerful. They tell you all you need to know about a loving relationship between two human beings. In the end, we would conclude the following regarding why long-term marriages like the Gore's 40-year marriage fail: 1. If their long-term marriage was truly a successful marriage (long-term does NOT equal successful!), they would not be separating from each other. The warning signs had to be there for a long time -- perhaps, from the beginning. The "pervasive characteristics" of their marriage probably told the truth about their relationship, but due to a variety of reasons (politics, children, well-known parents, etc.), they were probably ignored. In the end, the truth about their relationship will prevail. 2. One of the absolutely essential ingredients of a successful marriage is this -- when you get married, you "turn two into one without losing individual identities." Over the years, the Gores had increasingly lead two separate lives -- he the environmentalist and she the author and photographer. They went their separate ways. They no longer shared much "common ground" in their marriage. Instead of a marriage in which they were defined together, they became a marriage defined by their individual identities. Sharing common ground is an essential ingredient of a successful marriage. 3. We bet the Gores no longer talk about anything and everything. They had developed in their relationship with each other, "sacred cows" -- those issues and items they no longer talked about in their marriage. The best marriages we have studied over the years have no "sacred cows." They talk about anything and everything. Our guess -- the Gores left too many important issues left un-discussed and un-addressed. One of the tale-tail signs of a failing relationship is this -- the couple finds things to NOT talk about. Bad idea and never a hallmark of a successful marriage. 4. The most successful marriages always report to us during our interviews that the one they love the most -- their spouse -- is their best friend. It is never enough to be in love! A successful marriage requires being in love and being best friends! Our guess, Al and Tipper have been in love, but have probably never been best friends. Being "best friends" is the defining characteristic of most successful marriages. 5. And finally, Al and Tipper didn't make their relationship with each other come first. They had too many diversions. Al was traveling around the world without Tipper spreading his environmental message. Tipper was in to her photographer and writing. We are not saying that people in love should not maintain their interests and passions, but to do so at the expense of your spouse is to invite disaster in your marriage. We suspect that the "pervasive characteristics" of Al and Tipper's marriage have been obvious for a long time. A failed marriage, irrespective of its length, is not immune from the characteristics that define the marriage. In the end, any marriage is what it is -- for good or for bad. Heed the tale tail signs. Simple Things Matter in love and marriage. Love well!
By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz For more tips to enhance your relationship get the Doctor's best-selling and multiple-award winning book Building a Love that Lasts: The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage (Jossey-Bass/Wiley 2010) Available wherever books are sold.
Winner of the INDIE Book Awards GOLD Medal for Best Relationship Book
Winner of the 2009 Mom's Choice Awards GOLD Medal for Most Outstanding Relationships and Marriage Book 2009 Nautilus Book Awards Winner for Relationships ** To comment on this article or to read comments about this article, go here.
About the Author:
As America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts and award-winning authors and the SelfGrowth.com Official Guides to Marriage, Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz help international audiences answer questions about love, marriage and relationships. With 26 years of research on love and successful marriage across six continents of the world and their own 43-year marriage, the Doctors know what makes relationships work.
Get started with America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts by taking their Marriage Quiz or sending your questions to Ask the Doctors for Marriage Advice. http://www.selfgrowth.com/guide/lizandcharlesschmitz.html
http://www.simplethingsmatter.com ------------------------------------------------------------
*** Article: The 'Well Wishing' Principle - By Paul Dalton ***
------------------------------------------------------------ "Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own." - Harold Coffin
Living in London I get to travel on public transport A LOT, and for someone in my line of work that provides a fabulous opportunity to observe the quirkiness of human nature in action. It is never my intention to deliberately earwig on other people's conversations, but sometimes when you're on a packed tube (with a stray armpit in your face) it is pretty hard not to! One such conversation that fascinated me recently was between two female twenty-something office workers who were off-loading their end-of-day grievances to each other. One of them was venting about a guy she works with who had obviously experienced a fortunate end to a tricky situation. This is what she said (and I'll quote verbatim, so apologies for the language): "You know it's so frustrating! No matter what kind of crap he gets himself into he always comes up smelling of roses. I hate it!" While I'll never know the juicy details of what she was talking about, what really interested me was how her attitude towards her colleague must have been affecting the quality of her own experiences. What was it about this guy's lucky break that caused her to feel annoyed rather than pleased? How had her annoyance with him influenced the way she had subsequently gone about her own business that day? Isn't it intriguing how we can sometimes feel uneasy about other people doing well? But whatever it is that causes us to harbor a bit of ill feeling towards others when they are being successful is also the thing that causes us to block the flow of our own potential to create more of what we want in our own lives. For some people that may be about money, career opportunities, better relationships, nicer stuff, etc... For others it might simply be about having greater peace of mind. Most of the time we don't mean to feel negativity towards the success of others and often we don't even know that we're doing it. It doesn't make us bad or undeserving people, it is just what happens when the unconscious mind thinks it is missing out on something important. By definition, in order to feel threatened, annoyed, frustrated or jealous of what others have, you must also be focusing on what you don't have. Thinking from within the confines of a ‘lack mentality' can only ever lead to you seeing (or making up) more and more evidence for why you are not fulfilled. If all you see is lack, then lack is all you get. I have even had clients tell me that the more they see others prosper the more they get a feeling that there is less prosperity to go around for them. The only reason for thinking like this is if you believe that there is a cap on the amount of abundance the world has to offer. However, even if we bring it back to money there is always more than enough. If we were to split the total amount of money in the world equally amongst the current population, every man, woman and child would be a multi billionaire! So the obvious answer to the question "where is the money going to come from?" is "wherever it is now!" But of course it is not just money that makes humans feel uneasy when some have it and others don't. It is also a common trait to resent other people's luck, their looks, their relationships, their popularity, their status... So what is the answer? What needs to happen to make a shift away from dwelling on lack and towards the kind of energy that supports you in living your best life? The answer is to think about that thing that you want for yourself and to want it more for others.
I know that seems a bit odd at first bite, but it is the most powerful way of freeing up your own potential for living out of an ‘abundance mentality'. I call this the ‘Well Wishing' principle. Try this out. Take a moment to reflect on the kind of peace of mind you would love to have in your life. How wonderful would it be to spend every day completely aligned with your most natural peaceful self? When you've got a sense of what that must be like, look at the person nearest to you or, if you're alone, think about someone you saw today, and genuinely wish that same peace of mind for them, only stronger. Notice what happens to your energy when you do this. Wishing them well begins to open up a path for you to experience that peace that you are looking for. This is a nice demonstration of the notion that what you give away you get to keep. That is the nature of abundance. ----------------------
HOMEWORK
---------------------- Take some time to check in with how you are doing in your life at the moment. Are there areas that are not living up to how you want them to be? Go through an honest assessment of how you have been feeling towards other people that you have thought to be doing better than you in a particular way. Pay close attention to your emotional responses and be sensitive to any feelings that resemble jealousy, anxiety, frustration, annoyance, injustice, etc. Sometimes these feelings can be very hard to admit to, especially if they are towards your nearest and dearest, but it is important to be as honest as you can be. Now imagine that aspect of your life exactly as you would love it to be and step into the feeling of it, as if everything is perfect right now. Then, knowing that you live in an abundant universe, wish more of that same feeling and success to those other people. Examples: - If a business competitor is doing really well, wish them even more success and prosperity, knowing that there is more than enough for you too. - If you think one of your friends is more popular than you, genuinely send them wishes for greater, stronger friendships, knowing that that kind of energy coming from you is naturally attractive to others. - If someone you know is lucky enough to "always come up smelling of roses", wish them the continued fortune of always being in the right place at the right time (and then notice what starts to happen to your own ‘luck'). - When you see people with really nice stuff (flashy cars, big houses, luxury holidays, etc.), hope that they are really enjoying themselves and blissed out on deep gratitude for what they have in their lives. I hope you enjoyed reading this week's coaching tip even more than I loved writing it. Take great care. Namaste. ** To comment on this article or to read comments about this article, go here.
About the Author:
Paul Dalton is a Personal Development Coach/Trainer with bags of experience in helping people change their lives for the better, combining skills from: hypnosis, neuro-linguistic programming, life coaching, leadership effectiveness, metaphysics, motivation techniques, and more. Paul is also the proud creator of http://www.Life-Happens.co.uk - a Personal Development resource website for everyone interested in the fields of human potential, self-improvement and positive living. Visit Life Happens today for: *** FREE "Deep Daily Relaxation" Hypnotherapy MP3 (22 mins) *** FREE Personal Development Podcast: Life Happens LIVE *** FREE "5 Steps to a More Fulfilling Life" E-Course *** FREE Articles and Daily Coaching Blog *** FREE Life Happens Café: Personal Development Forum ***
------------------------------------------------------------
*** Book Review: We Are Here: Love Never Dies - By Jane Smith Bernhardt ***
------------------------------------------------------------ Harry Lee Smith was a thoughtful man, a student of spirituality, and by all accounts a gentleman. It was never his intention to abandon Angelika, his bed-bound wife of forty years. So when he did not wake up on the morning of November 5, 2006, he began an amazing series of communications through his daughter Jane, to comfort and inspire Angelika as she transitioned out of her body. What Harry and his spiritual helpers have expressed are extraordinary illuminations of the beauties of the after-life as well as precious lessons in living and in letting go. What do these revelations mean to our lives and to our world? That we are spiritual beings on a mortal journey, that life and love and healing are infinite ... that eternal joy is each person's birthright and destiny. In a year filled with loss and reconciliation, one writer discovers the greatest miracle of all.
*****
The list price of this book is $15.00. To purchase it from Amazon.com, go here.
------------------------------------------------------------
*** Brief News of the World ***
------------------------------------------------------------
Positive:
* LA Teacher Puts Hip-Hop Beat to Algebra and Raps Math Songs to Drill Concepts into Pupils * The class of eighth graders at a Los Angeles middle school It's their math teacher, LaMar Queen, using rhyme to help them memorize seemingly complicated algebra and in the process improve their grades. Go here for the complete news story. * Economy Down, Volunteering Up * Volunteering in America is on the rise. Americans spent 100 million more hours helping their communities last year, a new federal report says, and the number of people getting involved went up by 1.6 million to 63.4 million. It's the biggest increase in volunteers in a single year since 2003, and it came in the midst of a punishing recession. Go here for the complete news story. * Gates and Buffett Challenge Fellow Billionaires * Warren Buffett and Bill Gates say they don't want to be remembered as two of the richest men in the world as much as two of the most generous.
"I have everything in the world I want, and then I've got all this surplus around - and I give away the surplus," Buffett said.
So the two men, with a combined net worth of somewhere near $100 billion threw a very exclusive dinner 13 months ago. They invited 14 billionaires, known for their charitable giving, including Ted Turner, Oprah Winfrey and Michael Bloomberg. Go here for the complete news story.
** For more positive news, please visit http://www.selfgrowth.com/news.html
Other:
* Prison Dads Learn Meaning of 'Father' * Keith Morse met his father when he was 7 years old in the visiting hall at Louisiana State Penitentiary, better known as Angola state prison. Today, Morse is serving a life sentence in the same prison for murder. It's here that he sees his own 16-year-old son once a year during the day-long Returning Hearts celebration, a program that reunites inmate fathers with their kids. It's a cycle -- child following dad to prison -- that Morse, now 35, hopes to break. Go here for the complete news story. * Voluntourism: The Benefits and Pitfalls You Need to Know * Two members of the voluntourism or volunteer holiday industry go head-to-head over the oft-debated benefits and pitfalls of a holiday choice that continues to grow in popularity. Christopher Hill is the founder and managing director of Hands Up Holidays, a UK-based eco-luxury voluntourism travel company that organizes tailor-made vacations that typically have a 25 to 30 percent volunteering component. Here, he argues why the growing voluntourism industry is so good for the world. Go here for the complete news story. * Giving Up Smoking Can Help Reduce Stress Levels: Study * Smokers often say they need a cigarette to calm their nerves but a British study has found that chronic stress levels may go down after a person kicks the habit. A study of 469 smokers who tried to quit after being hospitalized for heart disease found that those who stayed away from cigarettes for a year reported a reduction in their perceived stress levels. Go here for the complete news story.
| 
0 comments:
Post a Comment